Aspiring to Ordinary

We All Want to Find a Beautiful Life

2012-01-17T07:00:00.002-05:00

I've been reading Stephen King's new book 11/22/63. It's a fantastic story, but it's also really interesting in a sort of spiritual way. Not a religious way, but in a the-universe-balances-itself kind of way.

There's a repeated theme in the book that the world is what the main character calls "harmonic." That even when the past has been changed, the world finds a way to put the pieces together again, in a completely different but related way.

The idea is striking to me, especially as we're going through such life-altering changes in our house. I've been thinking a lot about why my husband lost his job now instead of six months from now or a year ago. The simple answer is that now is when his company needed to do lay-offs, but for some reason I've been feeling as though it's more than that. I think it's the universe putting the pieces back together in a different way.

Today was going to be The Beatles turn for a lyric-inspired post, but they'll have to wait, because even though we are getting by with a little help from my friends, one of those friends chose today's lyric-inspired post when she posted Chris Mann's song "Beautiful Life" on Facebook in my honor.

It's perfect. It's more than perfect. It's harmonic.

Maybe my husband losing his job now is the one more chance left out in my soul.

Now is when our son is in the hospital and will be making the difficult transition back to home and school soon. Six months from now that will be done, no matter how it works out. A year ago we couldn't even have imagined we'd be here.

Now is when we need my husband here. Now is when we need our lives to change. Now is the fifth time we fall.

And the fifth time I'm gonna find a beautiful life.

Give Up and Let It Go

2012-01-16T07:00:00.012-05:00

I frequently frame things that happen in my life in song lyrics. And these past few months we've have seen a lot happening around here. The short version goes like this:

Our middle-size boy, who has Asperger's syndrome and a mood disorder, has had 3 inpatient hospitalizations far from home since September (and is still not home). I lost my biggest contract as a part of a huge reorganization layoff right before Thanksgiving. We've been battling the school department to get appropriate accommodations for said middle-size boy and then, a week ago, my husband got laid off.

So, big stuff. The lyrics that should spring to mind are probably Toad the Wet Sprocket's Something's Always Wrong, but they're not.

Instead, I keep hearing Francis Dunnery's Give Up and Let It Go. The whole phrase is:

Give up and let it go, give up and let your life flow.

If you've never heard Francis Dunnery, you're missing out not only on some really wonderful music that tells masterful stories, but also on a man who tells masterful stories. I've been to two of his house concerts at which I've had the pleasure of not only hearing Francis tell some hilarious stories, but also to speak with him afterwards about some really fascinating, thought-provoking and, again, hilarious things

Case in point: I have a great photo of Francis, me and my husband which Mr. Dunnery captioned "Two Catholics and a Jew." Sounds a little off, but it was a great follow-up to a conversation about why Catholic men feel so at home dating and marrying Jewish women. But I digress...

Give up and let it go. Right.

Well, here's the thing:

I miss my son. I worry about what happens when comes home. Will he be happy? Will he fall apart again once he returns to school? Will everybody else see the really offbeat, fascinating, funny kid he is underneath his anxieties?

I truly don't know how we're going to pay our bills. For the first time in many years, we just don't know. The expenses associated with the hospitalizations and traveling accompanied with two layoffs have us flattened.

But those aren't the real thing.

The real thing is that I'm tired of being sad and angry and worried and panicked and all of those other emotions that have overtaken me in the past six months.

I miss my son and I don't know how we're going to pay our bills, but all the negative emotions in the world won't change that. They're changing me, though, and I don't recognize myself anymore. But when I woke up the other day, Francis Dunnery was in my head.

I think it's time to give up and let it go, give up and let my life flow. Tomorrow I'll tell you how I'll get by With a Little Help From My Friends.

Wait, Have You Heard This One Already?

2012-01-15T09:25:00.006-05:00

Image via WikipediaOkay, I've decided to give this blogging thing another attempt. It's not that I don't like to blog, it's that with trying to work with a new little guy in the house and all the crazy in our lives in the past few years (more on that later) I stopped because I wasn't sure if I had the energy to blog or if I was able to blog without just whining.

Plus with me writing for other websites, I wasn't sure I had anything new to say. I'm pretty sure I do, though, because sometimes people won't pay me to write what I'm thinking. For example, as I've dealt with the schools in relation to my son's recent diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, I have some ideas percolating in my head about who really put the "ass" in Asperger's syndrome, but I'll tackle that another time.

When I brought up the re-blogging attempt with my husband, (who will be referred to as my husband because I refuse to revert to the standard-of-use DH, it's both too cutesy and too campy for me), he said he thought it was a great idea.

He's always wanted to start a blog, but said he doesn't have anything to say that anyone would want to hear. Of course, dutiful wife that I am (*snort*), I protested. It's true, though, he's kind of interesting and has a great snarky sense of humor.

He does tend to repeat his stories, though. To the point where even our kids feel comfortable jumping in and saying "You've told this one already!" at the dinner table. Well, our teenager revels in saying it and our middle-sized boy falls out of his chair laughing while he says it.

Which brings me to today's punchline. If I'm going to start blogging again about how tough it is to aspire to ordinariness, maybe my husband should start a blog to tell his stories. He could call it "Wait, Have You Heard This One Already?"

Is Happiness Overrated?

2008-10-06T11:49:00.002-04:00

It's become almost a cultural mantra. Ask parents what they want for their children and the answer is almost universally the same: I just want them to be happy. For most of us it begins even before our children are born. How many times have you heard expectant parents say they don't care whether the baby is a boy or a girl as long as it's happy and healthy? Hoping for a healthy child is reasonable but some experts say you should re-think your pledge for your child's total happiness. Apparently, it's overrated.

Is happiness harmful? It seems ridiculous to consider the idea. After all, none of us want our children to struggle with friendships or have to deal with the other difficulties of life. Isn't it our job to make sure they don't have to deal with these troublesome things?

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To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate?

2008-09-29T10:53:00.001-04:00

If you think the only question being argued is "to vaccinate or not to vaccinate," you're mistaken. In fact, there are a number of questions being raised; those about a parent's right to choose what's right for her child, those about informed consent and those about the ethics of government-mandated vaccination programs.

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I'm a Twittering Idiot (or just an idiot?)

2008-09-26T09:30:00.007-04:00

Okay, so I finally did it. I broke down and joined Twitter. (follow me ? please? It's lonely...) I've whined and resisted, both privately and publicly on my About.com site about my fear of Twitter and other social networking sites, but have decided it's a necessity.

The problem is this: I'm a Twittering idiot. Yes, it makes for a good pun--two of them actually since with a last name like Morin I can easily also become a Twittering Morin as opposed to moron--but it's also true. I have NO IDEA how to use the blasted site!

How do I get people to follow me? Can I invite them the same way I can on LinkedIn? What kinds of updates am I supposed to post and when?

Is there a Dumb-Dumb's Guide to Twitter out there?

Call For Parenting Stories: Are you a Professional Parent?

2008-09-21T14:33:00.003-04:00

I am looking to have conversations with parents or hear anecdotes of child-rearing in our increasingly child-oriented society.

There are more and more professional parents out there. Not parents who happen to be professionals, too, but professional parents. Women (primarily) whose life's ambition is to be the "best" mother and have the "best" kids who have the "right" friends, participate in the "best" activities and have perfectly planned lives.

I've had a variety of conversations with professionals around the concepts of this type of child-centered parenting. Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld calls it "hyper-parenting," Dr. Aaron Cooper calls it "The Happiness Creed," and Dr. Jean Ilsley Clarke calls it "overindulgence." Whatever you call this phenomenon, I'm putting together an in-depth work regarding it, how it's affecting children's resiliency and, to a degree, their ability to become integrated members of society as they come into adulthood.

But more than that, I want to know how it's affecting parents:

Is their happiness scarified?
Or are parents finding happiness as a professional parent?
What happens to the parent who eschews the idea that her job is to put her child first at all cost?

I want to know what people think of the prevailing attitude that no child is average, that all children can excel at anything they set their mind to and that it's a parent's responsibility to provide the opportunity to explore as many activities as possible? Have parents found this to be encouraging to their children or have some children been overwhelmed by this vast array of choices?

Please know that all replies will be held in confidence, will not be shared and will not be used without your permission. I will be happy to provide links to articles I have written about parenting to anyone who requests them.

Please contact Amanda at: myparentingstory@gmail.com

Note: This request for information and any details contained herein are considered to be property of the requester. This document, whether in its entirety or excerpts therein may not be re-distributed without permission.

Treating "Super Lice"

2008-09-17T16:06:00.004-04:00

There have been numerous articles lately about a new, Nix-resistant strain of lice running rampant through schools. They're being called "super lice." It's really not a surprise that these buggers are resisting the chemical products; like any other vermin (including microscopic ones: think MRSA) lice will adapt to survive.

However, there are remedies that work, as I found out last year when my middle-schooler contracted lice for the first time ever. Was I grossed out? Sure, incredibly so. But, the shampoos didn't work. What did? An old-fashioned remedy suggested by the school nurse. Olive oil.

Makes sense, I suppose. Lice have been around since the biblicial times and they didn't have pesticides and pediculide-containing products back then.

Here's what worked for us:

Saturate your child's dry hair and scalp with olive oil.

Pile her hair on top of her head and cover with a shower cap, which you should leave on no less than 3 hours and up to 8 hours. The longer you leave the cap on, the better.

Position a chair near a bright light and have a bowl of warm, soapy water to have nearby. You'll need it to swish the lice comb between combings.

Remove the shower cap and separate hair into four sections. We found using bobby pins to separate each of those sections into 1- to 2-inch locks of hair was helpful. (Twist each lock like a rope so you can loop the "rope" over and pin it to the scalp once it's been combed)

Use a metal lice comb to comb each section of hair. Hold the lock out straight and comb from the scalp to the end of the hair. Swish the comb in the soapy water to remove any dead lice or nits and keep going until all the hair has been combed.

Wash hair with dish detergent to remove the olive oil, without wetting it first. Then shampoo with regular shampoo.

Dry with a hair dryer, starting at the scalp and working outward. The heat of the hair dryer will help to kill any remaining lice and blow away some of the empty nit casings. Then use the lice comb one more time.

Most importantly, repeat very 3 to 4 days for at least 2 weeks. It's the only way to make sure you've caught all the lice.

Good luck! And know this is not a cleanliness issue, nor anything to be ashamed of.

Pondering Mad Genius: The Beyonds of Life

2008-09-15T13:18:00.003-04:00

Since I heard the news of David Foster Wallace's death, I've been thinking a lot about the connection between creativity and mental illness or the "mad genius" by which it is so often referred. It makes me wonder about the "beyonds of my life."

Most days I am fine. Well, that’s probably an exaggeration. Most days I am okay. I function well as a professional, as a mother and as a wife. Those are the good days, the days I don’t have to actually think about propelling myself forward.

But other days are harder. Those are the days when I wake up dreading the day, not certain how I am going to slog my way through the sludgy tiredness of my own mind. Those are the days I resort to living I hours, minutes, even seconds sometimes.

If I can make it to lunch I will be halfway there, I tell myself. Or, if the mind-numbing, limb-deadening, inexplicable sadness is just unbearable: just the shower, just stand up and take a shower, I promise myself. Of course, somewhere in my foggy mind I know there will always be something I have to face beyond the shower, beyond lunch, beyond…the beyonds of my life never seem to end.

One such day sticks in my mind and knifes in my heart. Well, maybe not so much a day as an episode. A paralyzing episode of sadness and despair so deep and mysterious that I find myself propped on the floor of my daughter’s bedroom, my back to her bed, tears leaking from my eyes.

Mama, are you sad? She asks me.

Yes. Sad. I can barely form the words on my weary lips.

Why?

I don’t know. No reason really. It’s not you or your brother. It’s nothing, my body, my brain…Faltering, not sure how to explain further.

Mama, did you take your medicine today? asks my wise, then not-yet-nine-years old daughter.

Medicine. A lifetime of daily doses of antidepressants, mood stabilizers and anti-anxiety pills that work fine most of the time. Medicine that I explain to my daughter and later on, perhaps, to my son, as providing my body with chemicals which my brain does not do on its own. A simplistic and perhaps inaccurate explanation. It is the best I can do.

Medicine that, unlike generations before me, I do not have to hide in shame, do not have to, in fact, should not, explain away as nothing to my children. Because, although I hope against hope that my children escape this legacy, it is very possible that they, too, may need to take such medicine for this disease. Bipolar disease, my genetic legacy.

If I cannot avoid passing this disease on to them I have vowed that I can at least be vigilant in recognizing its earliest tentacles taking hold. I watch my daughter, holding my breath with every mood swing, my ears perking up at the smallest suggestion that she finds her body image unacceptable. Is she okay? I wonder, Is this normal? Should I worry?

Building Generational Bonds

2008-09-15T10:43:00.001-04:00

Grandma and Grandpa, Grammy and Grampy, Mimi and Poppa ... Whatever your kids call their grandparents, they probably know that these people are Mom and Dad's parents. But do they know that they're people with interests of their own, with histories and great stories to tell?

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The Art of Apology

2008-09-09T10:05:00.002-04:00

"But I didn't mean to do it" or "she did it first." How many times have you heard your child say these words? Probably too many times to count. You've probably even followed up with your own insistent words: "Say you're sorry!"

Apology really is an art and like any other art form, good training is needed. Many adults aren't able to apologize. They hedge, they mumble, they try to say "sorry" with actions instead of words. Should we expect anything more from our children? Yes. We should.

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10 Bad Freelance Writing Habits You Need to Break

2008-08-29T15:15:00.002-04:00

Procrastination, accepting too many projects, poor communication...these are just a few of the bad habits most freelancers are guilty of at one time or another. Deborah Ng over at Freelance Writing Jobs takes a look at these habits and how they can affect your career. It's a very worthy read.

What are your bad habits?

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Is Social Networking Inevitable?

2008-08-26T08:13:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was invited to join a new Google Group for freelance writers (and possibly editors--that's in debate). From what I can tell so far, there are a number of incredibly successful, driven and interesting people as members, all of whom have a lot to offer. It got me to thinking, though. Is social networking an inevitable necessity?

Inadequacy versus Inexperience

I'm always fraught with anxiety when I join a new social networking group or add a new contact to my LinkedIn account, because all of these people are so successful. I start wondering "Where do I fit in to this?" "Why am I worthy of being a part of this group of well-placed people?"

But I've come to realize I'm mistaking inexperience with inadequacy. It's not that I'm not worthy, it's that I'm in different point in my career. Just starting out and building a publication base doesn't mean that you don't have anything to offer in a social networking situation, it means you have a different perspective. You may learn more than you offer at first. That's okay. To use a well-worn cliche, everyone had to start out somewhere.

Fake It Till You Make It

But--and this is a big one--if you believe you're inadequate, other people will believe it, too. So you don't have an agent or a publisher. So you've only written in your basement or your living room and are just getting up the courage to make some submissions. So your work is mostly published online. It doesn't matter. Even if you don't feel on equal footing, pretend that you are. That feeling of belonging will sneak up on you and, before you know it, you'll actually be the person whose role you have assumed.

Social Networking is Necessary

The bottom line is you need to meet other people who do what you do. Especially if you're a freelance writer working from home. I work with oodles of other writers and editors via the Internet and wouldn't recognize them in person if my life depended on it. Of course, if they corrected and re-wrote the ransom note, I'd know them by style...

Working by yourself can be both alienating and frustrating. Knowing there are other people doing what you do, struggling as you struggle and looking for just the right character trait for Madame X is a relief. Don't worry about the rest. Join the group, create a profile, ask lots of questions and make no excuses for yourself. If it's inevitable you may as well get the most out of it!

The Benefits of Under-Scheduling Your Child

2008-08-25T16:34:00.001-04:00

It starts off innocently enough. Maybe your child wants to join an after-school sports team or play the piano. Maybe you think he would benefit from some extra tutoring or by learning a new language. Before you know it, his schedule is jam-packed with "extras" and he is one incredibly over-scheduled child.

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When Is Poor Punctuation Okay?

2008-06-11T07:37:00.001-04:00

"It wz d best of tImz, it wz d worst of tImz, it wz d age of wisdom, it wz d age of foolishness." If Charles Dickens' classic first line had read like this, it's unlikely that many people would still know who he is. And Winnie-the-Pooh wouldn't be quite the same as if he was "comin downstairs nw, bump, bump, bump, on d bak of Hs hed, Bhind Christopher Robin."

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Teen Writing Skills in a Tech World

2008-06-04T06:57:00.001-04:00

Despite opinions to the contrary, our chat-enabled, Internet-savvy, IM-happy teens are continuing to master the “basic” writing skills they needed to coherently convey information (without acronyms or emoticons!). In fact, the average score on the writing component of the assessment has increased for both 8th and 12th graders...

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Co-Parenting After Divorce

2008-06-03T16:13:00.001-04:00

To some it's a slippery slope. Why single out divorced parents for parent education when there are plenty of intact couples who could benefit from learning parenting skills? To others it makes perfect sense: if a couple can't get along well enough to stay married, how can they be expected to communicate well enough to co-parent children?

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Emo and Goth: What's It All About

2008-05-29T09:32:00.001-04:00

It started with angst-ridden, poetic music. Then came the black clothes. And what is up with the dyed hair, asymmetrical haircut and theatrical makeup? Call it Goth, call it Emo, call it whatever you want--it doesn't matter. Teenagers attempting to ...

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Raising Sci-Fi Kids

2008-05-28T16:42:00.002-04:00

Today's post will be brief and self-indulgent.

I recently wrote an article for Education.com called Raising a Sci-Fi Kid, not in any small part due to the fact that our house is full of Sci-Fi ideas and innovations. I was really pleased with the way the piece turned out and had a lot of fun chatting with some really hardcore science fiction fans and researchers.

Check out the article if you get a chance!

Update on West Africa House for Rent Scam

2008-05-21T15:21:00.005-04:00

Wow! Since I wrote the original post about the house for rent scam that seems to originate in West Africa and proliferate on Craigslist, I've gotten a huge response from people.

So many people are getting similar emails about great sounding houses. And so many people are being smart! They're Googling the email and have hit this site before shelling out any money. That's great.

The update on this house renting scam is that it's still going strong. And going smart, too. Apparently the scammers are clever enough to search real estate websites, grab some pictures and descriptions and use that information with the address. That way if you drive by the home, it looks authentic and probably has a real estate sign outside of it. In fact, I discovered after the fact that "my" original scammer had set up an email address using the name of the listing realtor so it would match the name on the sign!

So, I reiterate: RENTER BEWARE. If it sounds too good to be true, you're asked to wire a deposit and/or provide a whole lot of info via email, trust your instincts.

Just the other day, I responded to another listing on Craigslist for a house in my area and got this email back:

hello dear
It is a great pleasure that to you are interested in my house.Thanks for
your email and it is my gladness to hear from you.I am debbie
i am the owner of the house you are making enquiry of. Actually I
resided in the house with my family,such as my wife and my only
daugther before and presently we had packed due to my transfer from my working place and now situated in the (West Africa Nigeria) and presently my house s still available for rent $1200 including the utilities like hydro,washerand security,it is furnised.Moreso Now, i went for a Crusade in the West Africa .Pls i want you to note that,i am a kind and honest man and also i spent alot on my property that i want to give you for rent,so i will solicit for your absolute mentenance of this house and want you to treat it as your own,is that taken,it is not the money the main problem but want you to keep it tidy all the time so that i will be glad to see it neat when i come for a check up.i do that once in a while.I
also want you to let me have trust in you as i always stand on my
word.

SO IF YOU ARE REALY INTRESTED I WILL WANT YOU TO FILL THE
RENTAPPLICATIONS FORMS BELOW
RENT APPLICATION FORM
Also,Pls let me get this answer.
1)Your Full Name
2)Your Full Address & Phone Number
3)How old are you?
4)Are you married?
5)How many people will be living in the house?
6)Do you have a pet?
7)Do you have a car?
8)Occupation?

Looking forward to hear from yo u with all this details so that i can
have it in my file incase of issuing the receipt for you and contacting
you. Await your urgent reply so that we can discuss on how to get the
document and the key to you,please we are giving you all this base on
trust and again i will want you to stick to your words,you know that,we do not see yet and only putting everything into Gods hand,so please do not let us down in this our property and God bless you more as you do this.you call my cell phone number +234-808-811-5817 oR 234-011-808-811-5817.
Thanks and you are welcome

Continuing the Conversation: Average vs. Special Kids

2008-05-21T08:32:00.007-04:00

I thought I would continue the "Where do we go from here?" conversation this morning with a focus on society's obsession with the absolute need for every child to be above average. (After all, child development is where the bulk of my training lies.) Again, I turn to T-Ball as an example of my concerns.

Yesterday, during a 1 hour practice the kids got up to bat maybe twice and had minimal catching practice. The instructors spent more time lining them up, praising them profusely and "encouraging" (read: insisting) them to all "cheer for all your friends" that the time for skill-acquisition was reduced to about 20 minutes.

They are not all "friends." This is a group of about 30 kids who barely know each other and have been placed in the same group. And the reality is they probably wouldn't all be friends anyway. This insistence upon everybody being friends is a very unrealistic way to teach children about the world.

Somebody has to be average. Not all kids can be above average in everything they do. Cheering them on and telling them they're great at everything they do merely diminishes true praise when it's given appropriately.

Not all children are "special" in the gifted sense of the word and some kids are sincerely living up to their potential. And there's nothing wrong with that!

In fact, if you look at the Bell Curve of IQ (intelligence quotient) the vast majority of the population falls squarely in the middle.

There are certainly some people above the mean, but there are also people below the mean. If we try to make all of our children be above the mean, all we are doing is shifting the Bell Curve over and creating stressed-out children who will never live up to our expectations.

To go back to T-Ball, the instructors' insistence that all the children be cheered on, assured they were "special" and made to feel good actually ended up costing them the chance to practice skills that might help to make them more competent overall.

So, I ask you this: Are we hurting our children by telling them they can excel at everything?

Living in a Fast Food World

2008-05-16T10:21:00.007-04:00

Recently I've been disenfranchised. I'm watching the world around me change more quickly than I ever thought it would and wonder: Where do we go from here?

It's not just about paying nearly $4 /gallon for gas and more than that for a gallon of milk. It's not just about worrying about how we can make the same amount of money and have to pay so much more to live and eat. In fact, I worry less about our family and more about others, those who don't have enough to make it through these times.

What happened to privacy? It's about things like MySpace and FaceBook and iPods and "soccer moms." My tween leaves for school in the morning and we argue over whether or not she can take her iPod with her and whether she needs to turn her cell phone on for the walk to school. Everything is so extreme in our world and everybody has a sense of being on display. And they are! You never know who ends up on YouTube or the latest reality show.

What happened to discretion? There are naked people on my television during prime time and commercials using insults like "dillweed." It's a constant battle to find clothing that covers my tween semi-modestly.

What happened to self-identity and giving our children the tools to plan their own lives? I go to T-Ball practice with my 5-year-old and I am surrounded by professional mothers. Not mothers who happen to be professionals, too, but professional mothers. Women whose life's ambition is to be the "best" mother and have the "best" kids who have the "right" friends, participate in the "best" activities and have perfectly planned lives.

I'm not the only one. I know I'm not the only person who worries about these things. I've had some wonderful conversations lately with a lot of very interesting people, a lot of very intelligent people, a lot of very accomplished people, all of whom feel the same way. They all express it differently, but we're all concerned about the society we've created.

Who else is feeling this disenfranchisement?

Well, my husband for one. We spend way too much time pondering what life will be like for our children as they grow up with a generation of non-resilient children without any idea of limit-setting or responsibility

Dr. Aaron Cooper, a clinical psychologist with the Family Institute at Northwestern University recently shared with me the concerns that led him to write the book "I Just Want My Kids To Be Happy: Why You Shouldn’t Say It, Why You Shouldn’t Think It, What You Should Embrace Instead." His feeling is "that this widespread devotion to kids' happiness" is a huge problem. He goes on to say, "More and more research and anecdotal stories point to a generation of young adults suffering as a result of their parents' turning into the Happiness Police, shielding the kids from the ordinary moments of childhood/adolescent adversity that build resilience, emotional heartiness, etc."

Dr. Jean Illsley Clark, whom I had the pleasure to interview about child disciplinary techniques, sent me a copy of her book How Much Is Enough? which details the research she and her colleagues at the Overindulgence Project have done. It talks, again, about resiliency in children and how giving them too much, whether it be material or attention is creating adults who are unable to function well in society.

Rebecca (Kiki) Weingarten, Co-Founder of Daily Life Consulting and I spoke a little bit about "Baby Planners" this morning and how the concept of the delegating responsibility of hiring a nanny and even choosing your child's name is (at the very least) odd, and, truthfully a little horrifying.

What's my point? Well, there are too many to enumerate, I suppose. The two most important points are actually dichotomous perspectives. I wanted to reach out and let people know there are others who worry about where we are going and how we can get back on the right track. But, on the same token, I wanted to reach out the people who are indulging and creating this crazy, fast food world and say: Not all of us want french fries with that!

FreeRice is Trying to End Hunger

2008-04-29T10:50:00.006-04:00

Today instead of pontificating on the insanity of the world, I'm turning my efforts to lauding the good in it.

I'd like to bring your attention to FreeRice.com. You'll find a banner link to it right above this post. Free Rice is simple. You go to the website, play a vocabulary game and for every definition you match correctly, 20 grains of rice will be donated to be distributed through United Nations World Food Program.

There are no gimmicks, it's simply a humanitarian effort that combines philanthropy with education. You get to add to your vocabulary and learn new words and hungry people have more food to eat. So please, do your part in helping.

Here, from the website, are the answers to my initial questions. Yours may be answered in the FreeRice FAQ section.

Who pays for the donated rice?

The rice is paid for by the advertisers whose names you see on the bottom of your vocabulary screen. This is regular advertising for these companies, but it is also something more. Through their advertising at FreeRice, these companies support both learning (free vocabulary for everyone) and reducing hunger (free rice for the hungry). We commend these companies for their participation at FreeRice.

If FreeRice has the rice to give, why not give it all away right now?

FreeRice is not sitting on a pile of rice―you are earning it 20 grains at a time. Here is how it works. When you play the game, advertisements appear on the bottom of your screen. The money generated by these advertisements is then used to buy the rice. So by playing, you generate the money that pays for the rice donated to hungry people.

Does FreeRice make any money from this?

No, it does not. FreeRice runs the site at no profit.

Is Reading a Lost Art?

2008-04-24T09:39:00.004-04:00

I'm both boggled and saddened by my latest "What's up with this world?" experience and here's hoping that most of you will be too. Considering you've taken the time to stop by and read this, I'm assuming that the concept that reading for pleasure is a dying art is disturbing to you as well. So here's the story of the day:

J. and I went to the mall last night. (Robin Sparkles fans are certainly chuckling right about now, be sure to check out the video if you don't know what I mean.) In any event, the mall in itself gives me more than enough fodder for my "what's up world" blog entries, but I digress.

J. went to have his haircut at Mastercuts and I decided to wander down to the bookstore and see what was cooking. Came back just in time for J. to cash out. Here's how the conversation went.

J: Find anything good?
Me: Yeah, I bought this (holds up novel here) book and was looking at one called "666 Urban Legends." It looked kind of cool.
Cashier: That's funny, we were just talking about reading.

Not, "We were just talking about reading book X" or "We were just talking about what we're reading" but "We were just talking about reading." She was truly amazed that I had a book and they had just talked about the process of reading.

J. filled me in later. As he was having his hair cut, the aesthetician, who was also the cashier, was polling her colleagues, asking them "Do you read?" Apparently, the 3 that she asked did not. Did not read. At all.

She then asked J. who answered affirmatively and, when prompted, listed off the past few books he had read. She was stunned and told him she'd gotten a book from the library but didn't really like it. My question: did she not like the book or did she not like to read?

What's up with the world? Has the Internet completely won out? Is reading a lost art?

Perspectives on War from 5-yr-olds and Fisher Price

2008-04-01T10:28:00.005-04:00

This morning j. was playing with what he lovingly refers to as his "guys." Being 5 years old, he has more "guys" then I could possibly count. Lately, they all live on my living room floor inside, on top of or near the Imaginext creation that serves as their buildings. j. has the fire house, castle, coastal patrol station and the dungeon, but he has snapped them together in strange formations, creating an amalgamous creation with trapdoors, winches and all the other things "guys" need.

This morning, however, the story is not about the strange building. It's about "good guys" and death.

j. informed me that he set up extra good guys just in case some of them were killed by the bad guys, so there were some more to take their places. Without even thinking I replied: "That's what President Bush does."

Ah, so aside from revealing my political leanings, it also made me stop and think. It is what Pres. Bush does. Has more good guys ready to go in case others get killed. He even has good guys who were done being good guys come back and play the good guys again (think: Stop Loss).

I got me wondering. Is war run by people who never gave up playing with "guys?" Does it really boil down to a 5-year-old's logic?

Figuring out the Economic Stimulus Check Amount

2008-03-10T15:39:00.004-04:00

We're not different from any of the other semi-hand-to-mouth, paycheck-to-paycheck families out there--when we heard about the Economic Stimulus Payments we were definitely excited.

And confused.

There's so much information floating around about how to figure out how much you qualify for, who qualifies, whether it will affect next year's taxes, how it will best serve the economy (which, mind you, is supposedly NOT in a recession, but I guess that's a different topic, best saved for another day...)

So, today in the mail we got our Economic Stimulus Payment Notice. This is apparently the first of two notices taxpayers will be receiving and is very general. And still confusing.

Now, I'm an educated person, as is J. and the jargon in the notice is still somewhat bewildering. If you consider that the average American reading level is supposedly 7th or 8th grade, then there's going to be more confusion than clearing up.

After a little research, I think I got it all figured out and have a sense of how much we should receive. But I also came across this little gem at Consumerism Commentary and thought I would share it. Behold the Tax Rebate Calculator!!

Beware of Key Bank "Unauthorized Access to Account" email scam

2008-02-22T11:18:00.006-05:00

Once again I find myself in the position to warn the general public of a scam that is making the rounds of the web. This time it comes in the form of an email, supposedly from Key Bank indicating that the "bank" is concerned that your account has been accessed without approval.

The subject line reads: Please Update Your KeyBank Account and the message is as follows (please note the link has been deactivated):

Notification of Key Bank Online Banking Unauthorized Account Access

Dear Key Bank customer. Please read this message and follow it's instructions.

Unauthorized Account Access
We recently reviewed your account, and we suspect an unauthorized ATM based transaction on your account. Therefore as a preventive measure we have temporary limited your access to sensitive Key Bank features.

To ensure that your account is not compromised please login to Key Bank Online Banking and Investing by clicking this link, verify your identify and your online accounts will be reactivated by our system.

To get started, please click the link below:

https://accounts2.keybank.com/ib2/enroll_jsp/pageStart.jsp

Important information from Key Bank.
This e-mail contains information directly related to your account with us, other services to witch you have subscribed, and/or any application you may have submitted.
Key Bank and its service providers are committed to protecting your privacy and ask you not to send sensitive account information through e-mail.

There are a few disturbing things about this email:
1. It's not from KeyBank!!
2. The link is a secure (https) that looks like it goes to Key Bank but redirects to a different site. The secure site part makes it pretty scary.
3. There are a few versions of this one going around. Here's another:

Dear " " Key Bank Customer,
We recently reviewed your account, and suspect that your Key Bank Internet Banking account may have been accessed by an unauthorized third party. Protecting the security of your account and of the Key Bank network is our primary concern. Therefore, as a preventative measure, we have temporarily limited access to sensitive account features.
To restore your account access, please take the following steps to ensure that your account has not been compromised:
1. Login to your Key Bank Internet Banking account. In case you are not enrolled for Internet Banking, you will have to use your Social Security Number (without spaces or dashes) as both your User ID and Password and fill in all the required information, including your name and account number.
2. Review your recent account history for any unauthorized withdrawals or deposits, and check your account profile to make sure not changes have been made. If any unauthorized activity has taken place on your account, report this to Key Bank sraff immediately.
To get started, please click on the link below:

We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, and appreciate your assistance in helping us maintain the integrity of the entire Key Bank system. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
The Key Bank Team

and another:

KEY - Security Alert

Dear valued customer,

Fraudulent activity has been registered on some of our accounts. Click here to prove your identity. Not proved accounts will be suspended.

Once you have confirmed your account records you will be able to continue using your Online Banking and Investing.

In any event, DO NOT click these links. Instead call Key Bank at 1-800-KEY2YOU to discuss your account or 1-800-433-0124 to report email fraud. You can also email them at emailfraud@keybank.com.

Good luck and stay safe!

___________________________________________________________

Accolades to Education.com--Part of Something Extraordinary

2008-02-20T15:51:00.006-05:00

Have you ever begun a project or gotten a gig thinking it will be good to pay some of the bills, but without thinking about the far-reaching effects it might have? Well, I'm lucky enough to be part of the beta-launch of the site Education.com as an ongoing writer. I didn't know the potential of the site when I began writing for them. Today there's a wonderfully positive write-up in the Wall Street Journal and Education.com recently won the coveted DEMOGod award at the DEMO technology conference, alongside such giants as LeapFrog Enterprises.

For me, not only has this been an ongoing gig that helps to pay a few of the bills but a chance to write quality articles about important topics, such as single fatherhood, bibliotherapy, school refusal, school crisis plans and so much more. It's great to feel as though I'm doing good work that has the potential to help parents and educators. I'm so pleased to see the site gaining momentum and recognition and to be part of something extraordinary as it's happening!

Paying it forward, or actually, backward

2008-01-30T11:50:00.000-05:00

The Web, the waves, the world--they're all full of bad news. It's kind of hard to visit a website or turn on the news without encountering some terrible event or tragic story. So, today, I add to the world a human interest story that, on a small scale, touched both my world and my heart.

The setting? The drive-thru window at Starbucks. The players? Well, J., for one and the others are unknown. That's the beauty of this.

J. went to get the seriously decaffeinated in our home (namely, he and I) some powerfully strong coffee. He came home with Starbucks, a great big smile and his wallet no less full than when he left the house. At first I thought it had a situation of someone getting the order wrong and then comping it. But, no...

There were 4 cars in line. J. was last. The first car apparently ordered a bucketload of coffee and managed to hold up the line for awhile. When J. got to the window the barista met him with a great big smile and a tale of paying it forward. Well, backward. The first guy in line paid for the car behind him. The car behind him then decided to pay for the car behind him who then decided to pay for J.'s order. What an awesome chain reaction!

Unfortunately, there was nobody behind J. to whom he could pass on the joy. We'll just have to do something random and kind some other time.

If you want to pay it forward, click on the hyperlink to find a way to do it!

Beware of West Africa House for Rent Scam

2008-01-27T15:55:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to all of you out there who are looking for a home to rent. We found a great ad on our local Craigslist for a house to rent. It seemed a little too good to be true, but we decided to send an email back just in case. Well, let me tell you, when I got an email back from the "landlord" the hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention. Wouldn't yours? Here's what this upstanding citizen had to say (and, in fact, sent as a reply TWICE):
hello ,
Thanks for the email. I sherry williams Matthew own of the3 bedroom apartment . and also want you to know that it was due to my transfer that makes me and my wife to leave the house. and also want to give it out for rent and looking for a responsible person that can take very good care of it .the person that will rent it to take it as if it were its own. So for now, We are here in west Africa, our new house and also with the keys of the house, we try to look for an agent that we can give this documents.I and my wife came over to West Africa for a missionary work, so i hope you will promise us to take very good care of the house. So get back to me on .how you could take care of our house or perhaps experience you have in renting home. Hope you are okay with the price of US$700(4 months first payment) with hydro,heat laundry facilities, air condition and so on. I am looking forward to hear from you . so that talk about the application. to fill out and discuss on how to get the house for rent,my number +2348029442013 you can call me ,this the address of the apertment ___________Street, Bangor ME 04401 back to me immediately ,
thanks God bless

After a quick Google search, I found that this is pretty common right now. I actually found that someone else had posted the EXACT same response email as a warning! So, renter beware. If they won't meet with you, ask for lots of money up front and aren't real good with the English-- c'mon, missionaries speak pretty well, don't they?--please don't fall for it. Report to the abuse at Craiglis t email.

As I was writing this, I received an email back from Craigslist--listing has been removed. Power to the the observant people!

2008-01-18T16:19:00.001-05:00

Related Features

2008-01-01T16:14:00.003-05:00

The above article features related content.

Today's topic--rejection letters

2007-11-01T12:03:00.000-04:00

Or, perhaps, just rejection. I love reading the conversation and ads over at Writer's Row and checking out Writer's Weekly and have, in fact, picked up a job or two from them. But it's sort of depressing too.

For every one article that gets picked up, I probably get ten "thanks, but it doesn't meet our current editorial needs" notes. Or, worse yet, no response at all. Then I start thinking about all of the writers who visit the same sites I do and end up competing for the same positions. It's overwhelming.

I think on the whole us creative types take rejection very personally. I, for one, have a hard time realizing that just because an editor didn't like my story pitch, it doesn't mean I should stop pitching or that she dislikes me. What's so disturbing is that writers and actors and musicians--those of us who are creative types for a living--are constantly courting rejection. Unless we've signed on to something big (book deals, movies, ongoing gigs) our professional lives are a constant audition.

My point? I may not have one. It's certainly not that we should all curl up into a ball and stop trying. But boy do I feel like it sometimes. Time like this I try to keep in mind that my fellow (but famous) Bangorian, Stephen King, once was able to wallpaper a room with rejection letters. Now he has as many walls as he wants and as many books to wallpaper them with.

I DO work at home!

2007-10-29T14:22:00.000-04:00

If you're like the rest of us with home offices, you've undoubtedly come across the skeptics of the world. You know the ones, the people who smile politely when you answer the questions "what do you do?" and "where do you work?" Despite what some people think, working at home is not a euphemism. So, I get kind of annoyed when people who aren't feeling well tell me how lucky I am that I “work at home.”

Let's face it--we all have days when we just don't feel well. I have days when my head aches, I can't stop coughing and my bones hurt from the chills that are rattling through my body. In traditional work circumstances, I'd be on the phone to my boss, hacking away while I briefed him on the day's agenda because I am definitely staying home. But what am I supposed to do when my office and my sick zone are the same place? Do I tough it out or do I pack it in for the day?

I don't know about you but my deadlines don't disappear because I have a cold. Nor do I have someone who can cover my work for me. So, while today I don't feel lousy (or even sick at all) --the person who called me obviously did and, I'm sorry to say, didn't get a whole lot of sympathy from me—there will be days that I will be sick and working. That's right, working, at home!

What Happened Here: a Sick Mom?

2007-10-01T12:20:00.000-04:00

Gotbaum kin's plea before dying: I'm not a terrorist! (NY Daily News headline)

I don't know about anyone else, but this story is disturbing to me. On a whole lot of levels. Maybe not the same levels as everyone else...

The daughter-in-law of one of New York's top officials screamed, "I'm not a terrorist!" and fought with security officials in the Phoenix airport before being wrestled to the ground and handcuffed, witnesses told the Daily News yesterday.

Firstly, if she was trying to get the handcuffs over her head from the back, one would think the news stories would have also mentioned her horribly dislocated shoulders. It's just not possible to do it that way.

Carol Anne Gotbaum, 45, of the upper West Side, died less than an hour later, after cops claim she apparently strangled herself while trying to escape from the handcuffs in a holding cell at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport.

Secondly, why is there so little attention being paid to the reports that she identified herself as ill?

"I'm not a terrorist! I'm a sick mom! I need help!" yelled the mother of three after she missed the 2:58 p.m. US Airways Express flight to Tucson, said airport workers who witnessed the confrontation Friday.

Why is the important part of this story that she's the daughter-in-law of someone important?

(CNN news story)

Hill said Gotbaum -- the daughter-in-law of longtime New York labor leader Victor Gotbaum -- may have accidentally strangled herself while trying to escape from the handcuffs.

Gotbaum also was the daughter-in-law of longtime New York City Public Advocate Betsy Gotbaum.

And, then there's the question of how seven security officers who heard a woman screaming constantly, took so long to "notice" she was "suddenly" silent. Ten minutes is a long time to be without a constant noise before noticing it's absent.

I, unlike, many others the web community today, don't wish to speculate about what really happened to Carol Anne Gotbaum. I'd rather extend my sympathies to her children who are now motherless and just as bewildered as the rest of the nation.

Writing Exercise, Maybe Poetry

2007-09-30T12:36:00.000-04:00

When I was working in social services and led workshops and meetings there was an interesting icebreaker that came up again and again. I always thought that if you take it beyond the literal, it made an excellent exercise in writing. I always managed to reveal more of myself than I intended with this one. Here's mine:
I am me.
I wonder if the world knows that
I hear hushed voices and
I see the good in most things.
I want to remember that
I am independent.
I pretend to be confident but
I feel scared.
I touch lives with my actions so
I worry about my children being all right.
I cry when I am angry but
I am strong.
I understand that I can change only me so
I say it's all good.
I dreamt of marrying again, happily
I try to stay organized because
I hope for a good life.
I am Amanda.

The Exercise:
The idea is to take the following template and complete it in the way that reflects you best. Many people stick to the literal. Try to take it beyond the obvious "I am X years old, I wonder why the sky is blue..."

The Template:
I am...
I wonder...
I hear...
I see...
I want...
I am...
I pretend...
I feel...
I touch...
I worry...
I cry...
I understand...
I say..
I dream...
I try...
I hope...
I am...

The Result?
Try it and send it to me. I'd love to publish them here.

Bangor, Maine...ya'know, Home of Stephen King?

2007-09-26T09:20:00.000-04:00

So, I just finished up some work for Mitch Wilder, the guy who does TV's "The Pet Report" and hosts "Amazing Pet Discoveries" on the radio. He's launching a new website soon and needed some copy writing done, etc. (more to follow when the site launches).

However, none of this is my point. The point is that when we were chatting it came up that I live in Bangor, Maine. Thankfully, as a home-bred Canadian, Mitch knew where Maine is, but you'd be surprised how many people think we live up near Alaska! But, alas, he did not know of Bangor.

So, of course, I had to use the standard line: It's where Stephen King lives.

And, furthermore, explain that to us (read: Native Bangorians) he's just another guy who may be at the grocery store, the local Y or wherever else people go around here.

Don't get me wrong, I like Stephen King as much as anyone else. I even took a bizarre, but excellent, class in college called "The Literature of Stephen King," but I have to wonder whether this is the best way to tell people where it is that I live.

It's certainly more interesting than the standard Mainer way:
Well, you come into the state at Kittery, go past Portland and drive up north for a couple of hours. And there you are.

Top 50 (100?) Female Bloggers

2007-09-25T08:00:00.000-04:00

Thought I would give a shout out this morning to Enkay for his effort to come up with a list of the Top 50 Female Bloggers (yes, I did say "shout out" and I am ashamed of myself for it). In my opinion it's a great idea. Gives female bloggers a little recognition in a field that, thus far, has been pretty patriarchal.

I'm not quite sure what Enkay plans to do with this list, but it's a good visibility both for the female bloggers and Enkay. He's calling out for submissions and says he may expand the list to 100 if he gets enough nominations. It's worth checking out- there are some really interesting bloggers being nominated. My fave, Deb Ng, is on there both for her weblog and the one I check out every day, Writer's Row.

Looking Back, One Year Past

2007-09-22T11:09:00.000-04:00

If you've read of the rest of this blog then you know I alluded to a patch of The Bad Luck. Some of that included trying to find some help for my young son who was having some significant issues with anxiety and mood disorder. He's better now. Thank God for Prozac. In fact, he's so much better that I was looking back at my journal entries and had to actually think about when it was this bad.

So Damn Tired
Our day started at 5:30 this morning. He woke up and began his morning ritual of crying and whining. Moooommmyyy, Mommy, I WANT you. We can't decide whether he can't remember we took the gate down so he can get up on his own or whether he's just trying to get someone to come into his room. In either case we try to ignore it in hopes that he'll stop and go back to sleep or just get up on his own. He doesn't stop so J. gets up to remind him he needs to get up by himself. We're both so tired of going to bed angry and waking up angry.

J. does a great job of being calm when he's in there but he whipped out of bed so angry that I wasn't sure that's what would happen. J. says the boy was up for about an hour and half during the night with the whole "I want you" bit. I wouldn't know because I took Ativan and was out like a light. He went in three times and the boy still didn't settle down until I finally got up and gave him a drink of milk. Then he slept through the night. Well, at least until 5:30 this morning.

I guess yesterday's nap on the couch was a bad idea. It's such a toss up. He's tired which exacerbates the horribleness during the day so when he falls asleep in the car like that am I supposed to wake him up? Or should I take advantage of the little quiet I can snatch?

The really sad thing is how excited I am to be able to do the dishes in peace. I am starting to enjoy the feeling of having my hands immersed in the warm dishwater. It's soothing and lately I will take any soothing I can get.

What do you do with a kid who doesn't respond to discipline? Who doesn't care about losing privileges and things and cares even less about earning them? A kid who shouts, screams, throws things and tries to hurt people? Spanking doesn't work both in practice and in principle. What am I going to do, hit him to prove that hitting people is wrong?

He doesn't stay in time out. No! I won't. I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to stay in my room. I am going to watch TV. He doesn't listen to logic. I don't want to talk about this. I'm done talking. I'm not listening to you.

I've read all the books. I'm trained in this, for god's sake, not to mention I've successfully managed to raise another child into double digits. I wake up with bruises on me, bruises which are from sharp little elbows, rock hard little knees and pummeling little fists. He's not even five yet. What happens when he's eight or twelve?

We keep thinking he'll outgrow it. And he does. For awhile. Everything is always for awhile. Even when he's doing well it's all about him; why is he doing so well? Is it going to last? Have we finally found the right medicine? I can't believe he's doing so well, so poorly, that he's so angry, that he doesn't understand that your mother is a person to revere and respect...

I'm tired of think about it, tired of strategizing, tired of worrying about and predicting the future. I'm so damn tired of it always being about him.

Sending Clips

2007-09-21T08:26:00.000-04:00

Today I find myself pondering how I can send clips of my work with snail mail queries if most of my work has been published in online versions of magazines.

Do I take a page shot, print and scan it?
Do I send the URL?
Do I print a hard copy of the article, add the URL to the top and note where it has been published?

I am seriously stumped.

And So It Begins

2007-09-14T16:56:00.000-04:00

So, here I am. At my keyboard staring at the post screen trying to come up with some engaging and pithy way to start my blog off. If there is one thing I am not, it's pithy. Of course, if you've read the title and description of this blog you'll see that there are many things I am not. I'm not, for one, famous or well-known. Nor I am resigned to being ordinary.

Here's what I am: a teacher/early intervention specialist/parent educator turned freelance writer. Roll your eyes if you must, I know that everyone considers himself a writer. Of course the proliferation of blogs and sites that allow anyone to be a content producer hasn't helped that at all...

All that aside, I'm putting aside my lingering distaste of the blog-as-online-journal genre to begin a record of aspiring to ordinary.